Advice to Married Women
by The H-Experiment
Summary: Six rules for married women, as demonstrated by Hiruma and Kagome. Warning: Tiny lemon section, mentions of the dirty, and cussing. HirumaxKagome


_Okay okay, i have no idea where this came from. I was reading Glamour magazine (i don't usually! i swear!) and then i came to this one section called '15 Rules for Married Women' and then **bam. **This spewed out. So yeah, you'll find some rules that apparently married women should follow. I didn't use all of them because some of them were just plain stupid while some, i couldn't think of anything for. The ones i used were the only ones that fit. Who knows? They might help._

_And why married women you ask if Kagome and Hiruma aren't married? Well, i liked these rules better than the ones for single women. And besides, Hiruma calls Kagome 'fucking wife/wifey' so they are pretty much married. Well in my mind they are._

_*snorts* Glamour magazine had Posh spice on the front cover with a puppy on around her neck. I could just imagine the dog thinking 'Oh my god, don't drop me, don't drop me, don't drop me."_

_Okay you can read now._

_Warnings: Mention of sex, sex, Hiruma, also known as profanity. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Eyeshield 21 or Inuyasha. If i did, they wouldn't even be good enough to have fanficton written about them. ^^'_

_•••_

"_**Separate bathrooms!"**_

Kagome groggily shuffled out of her bedroom in Hiruma's apartment to the only bathroom down the hallway. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, arching her back and hearing the satisfying crack of her spine realigning itself. She reached behind her and pulled up her faded Jack Skellington pajama pants, wiggling her butt to get them up.

She put a hand on the bathroom doorknob and turned it. She flung the door open, expecting to see an empty bathroom, but instead, seeing a very surprised and very _**wet **_Hiruma.

"Fucking Christ!"

"Holy crap!"

Kagome hurriedly slammed the door shut, face burning red. Apparently, he had just gotten out of the shower and hadn't quite gotten to his towel yet. Well…she was wide awake now!

She leaned against the door, palms covering her warm cheeks. She could still hear his muffled cussing from behind her and she smothered a giggle. That was her entertainment for the decade!

Kagome got up off the floor and practically sprinted back to her room. She burst through the door and flung herself onto her bed, laughing hysterically into her pillow. The bathroom door slammed violently against the wall and Kagome stifled a snort when she heard Hiruma march down the hallway to his room, muttering curses and foul words under his breath.

She lifted herself onto her elbows and cocked her head thoughtfully with a small smirk on her face.

"_Well well! I'm impressed Hiruma!"_

Kagome then smothered another fit of giggles and Hiruma swore fluently in his room across the hallway.

•

•

•

"_**Feed, pet, and play. Oh wait…that's the relationship I have with my cat! It still applies."**_

Eat and play football, that's all he really did, Kagome mused. That and blackmail people for his selfish needs. That was Hiruma's basic, everyday schedule. Kagome blew her bangs away from her eyes.

The football team was practicing today and Kagome came to watch, having nothing better to do other than homework, which she had no desire to start. She crossed her legs languidly, ignoring the stares she got from the baseball team that passed by, and watched Sena and Monta high five each other after completing a tiring workout.

Cue gunshots.

"_Bang bang bang!"_

And, Sena's high pitched scream.

"_HIIIIIII!!!"_

And Hiruma cussing.

"_FUCKING PIPSQUEAKS! GET BACK TO RUNNING, WE'RE NOT FUCKING DONE YET!"_

Kagome sighed.

Everyday.

Two hours later, Kagome fell back against the couch in Hiruma's apartment. She sunk in to the cushiony warmth and casually crossed her ankles, letting herself lean against the armrest. She let out a sigh of relief and closed her eyes. No place like home, that's what they said. Well, this wasn't her home, this was Hiruma's but close enough. She spent more time here than she did her own apartment which was just downstairs.

Kagome felt a weight sink down next to her and opened an eye to see Hiruma settling himself onto the couch. She watched as he placed his steaming cup of coffee onto the table in front of them without a word to her. Hiruma shifted so that he was facing away from her and lifted his feet up on the arm of the couch. Kagome stared as his blonde head fell onto her lap.

"Hiruma…?"

He grunted and got comfortable on her lap, looking up at her with an expectant look. Kagome blinked before her face warmed and she gave him a soft smile. He scoffed and closed his eyes, acting as if her deadly smile didn't affect him even though Kagome could see the tips of his pointed ears turn red.

"Well, what are you waiting for fucking wifey?" Kagome was startled out of her thoughts with his deep voice.

"Oh, sorry."

"Tch, whatever." Kagome rolled her eyes at his predictable reply and began her task. She placed a hand on his head and ran her fingers though the spiky blonde locks, hearing his nearly inaudible sigh of pleasure. His muscles loosened and relaxed as Kagome continued her petting, every once in a while letting her fingernails scratch lightly against his scalp, eliciting a surprised intake of breath or a pleased grunt.

Kagome had a smile on her face as she worked. This was one thing that she forgot to mention when she stated Hiruma's daily schedule. They did this nearly every day, a time to unwind and relax, a time which both members of the party enjoyed.

Fingers trailed against Hiruma's cheek and he opened his eyes to see why she had stopped playing with his hair. Her blue eyes glowed with warmth as she leaned down to place a small kiss on his nose.

Her giggle filled the room and Hiruma scoffed, "Keh, fucking troublesome."

•

•

•

"_**My nonna always told my mom, who then passed the advice to me: 'Don't talk to me about the fights you have with your husband. Because then you guys solve it the bedroom, and the next day, I'm still mad.'"**_

"_Oh my god, you have no idea how pissed off I am at him!"_

"_Girl I can tell, you've been ranting for an hour and a half."_

"_I'm sorry I'm just so….argh!"_

"_Well if you're so angry with him, why are you at his apartment?"_

"_I have to be, if I wasn't I know I'd feel bad, no matter how much he deserves to starve."_

"_Right, so lemme get this straight, you came home late-"_

"_Hiruma's place, my apartment is the floor below his."_

"_Right, anyways, you came to Hiruma's place late because you were held up at the grocery store…"_

"_Because I had to go with the store manager to their supply room. There was something that I absolutely needed and couldn't leave without but they ran out so the manager graciously offered to open a brand new case just for me. See, that took some time."_

"_Uhuh, and then when you got home, er, back to Hiruma's place late and then he started yelling at you?"_

"_Yeah! He started yelling at me about how I always came back late and didn't do what I was supposed to! But it wasn't my fault! I was held up at the grocery store because I had to get something for him! It's his fault!"_

"_Okay hun! Calm down babe, I understand. Okay, and after that, he accused you of…?"_

"_He accused me of cheating on him! Cheating on him! Can you believe that?!? Why in the world would I cheat on him?!"_

"_I wouldn't kno-"_

"_I mean, who would I cheat on him with?! Every guy is scared away by him!! I couldn't even attract a guy even if I came to school in a bikini and gave every guy a lap dance! They'd probably piss their selves in fear and run away at the sight of me. Alllll because of Hiruma. Him!"_

"_I am so sorry hun. That is pretty dickish of him to accuse you of that. You're the most honest girl I've ever met."_

"_Yeah, I know I am…and then he kicked me out! He grabbed my bags and then slammed the door in my face."_

"_Poor baby, you didn't do anything wrong. Tch, that boy is just too jealous. Don't worry hun, I'll make sure to yell at him for you tomorrow. I'll probably get Mamori to help me too, Jesus knows that girl is vicious when she wants to be."_

"_Thanks Sango, you're the best."_

"_That's what I'm here for."_

"_Okay, I gotta go, Hiruma's calling me. Wonder what that dickwad wants now."_

"_Haha have fun Kagome. Bye dear."_

"_Kay bye. See you tomorrow."_

_**Click.**_

The next day…

"_Heeey Sango…"_

"_Don't you 'Hey Sango' me! This is all you fault!"_

"_I'm sorry! I just forgot to tell you that me and Hiruma kinda sorta….made up."_

"_Well! That information would've been useful, oh I dunno, 5 hours ago!"_

"_I told you I'm sorry!"_

"_Well sorry doesn't cut it! Nor does it get me out of fucking Yokohama!"_

"_Yokohama? Is that where he sent you? Oh, he usually sends them further away, like Chiba or something…"_

"_**Kagome!**__"_

"_I'm sorry I'm sorry! Hiruma's sending someone to come and get you! He says that he'll be there in about half an hour so please wait and don't hurt anyone!"_

"_Fine. I'll wait. But how come you didn't tell me you guys made up? I wouldn't have embarrassed myself and then Hiruma wouldn't have had his slaves blindfold me, drug me, and then drive me to freaking Yokohama!"_

"_Well, I would've told you except…I was kinda…preoccupied…yeah."_

"_You guys had make-up sex didn't you?"_

"_It was fantastic."_

"_I knew it."_

"_Sorry again?"_

"_Pfft, whatever girl, you owe me."_

"_I'll take you out to eat on a girl date?"_

"_Korean BBQ?"_

"_And Kariya cream puffs for dessert."_

"_Deal."_

"_Count on it."_

"_Hey just for curiosity, what was that thing that you absolutely needed at the grocery store and couldn't leave without?"_

"…_condoms."_

"_I should've known."_

"_Hehe sorry?"_

•

•

•

"_**Sex alleviates tension."**_

A rough tongue licked a trail up the side of her neck and Kagome moaned, legs tightening around slender, male hips as they pressed up against her insistently. One of Hiruma's hands was placed on the wall beside Kagome's head to brace himself, the other wrapped around her tiny wrists held captive above her head. He buried his face in her neck, warm puffs of air hitting her slicked skin as he pounded into her eager body with no abandon.

Hiruma grunted as her heels pressed against the small of his back, pulling him deeper every time he slid in. Kagome dropped her head on his shoulder and moaned loudly, her shoulders and tailbone hitting the wall repeatedly. He drilled her into his bedroom wall, thrusting fast and deep, releasing some of his earlier anger and tension with every stroke.

He released her wrists in favor of a position against the wall to steady himself and Kagome took the opportunity to rake her nails through his blonde hair in appreciation. She pressed herself against him and he shifted his thrusting, now hitting her G-spot repeatedly. Her muscles pulsed around him sporadically and Hiruma grinned, knowing that he had hit the right spot. A shudder ran though her body as Kagome climaxed, the hand in his hair clenching and tugging it painfully. Hiruma's orgasm came directly after, triggered by the urgently pull of her muscles and the pain of her hair pulling. He moaned loudly, the sound echoing off her skin and rang in his ear. His seed surged into her as she flexed against him, after affects of her own orgasm. Hiruma felt uncontrollable spasms wrack her body as she clung onto him.

He slumped against the wall with her trapped under him and panted openly against the skin where her neck and shoulder met. Dark spots littered his vision and his knees trembled, threatening to give out from under him. He remained inside of her, fully sheathed to the hilt, unwilling to move just yet and opting to stay and enjoy the fine tremors that ran along his length every once in a while. He rested a flushed cheek against her shoulder and closed his eyes.

Kagome's head dropped back against the wall and she wetted her dry lips with her saliva. They panted in unison, echoing the rhythm of their sex even after they finished. The palms of her hands slid against his sweaty skin as they ran up the length of his back to curl around his strong shoulder.

"Hiruma, wh-what, um, what were we fighting about again?"

"I don't even fucking remember now just kiss me dammit."

•

•

•

"_**Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty!"**_

A happy Hiruma was a terrifying thing.

That was what Sena and Monta and the rest of the team had to discover all on their own. Those poor poor things.

Musashi watched as Hiruma chased the team around with various assorted weaponry on his body, shooting at random objects and body parts, all the while cackling like mad. The rest of the team finally got to their drills and that's when Musashi spotted Kagome walking towards them.

"Hirumaa! Musashiii!" Musashi lifted a hand in greeting Hiruma's grin grew wider, if it was even possible. The blonde quarterback walked over to where Musashi was standing with grin on his face.

"I thought you and Kagome were fighting?"

"We made up."

"Was it the sex?"

"It's always the sex."

"Right." Musashi pulled on his cleats and laced them, making sure to pull them tight. "Doesn't it usually take you guys longer to make up though? Even with the sex?"

Hiruma grinned, baring his pointed teeth, "We tried some new things."

"Ah, I see."

"Handcuffs, chocolate syrup, various different positions, you should really trying the reverse cowgirl posi-"

"Okay! I didn't say I wanted to know I just said 'Ah, I see'."

"Tch, your fucking loss."

"I'm sure."

Kagome jogged up to the pair and greeted the two of them with hugs and Hiruma, a peck on the cheek. "Hey you two! What are you guys talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Kekeke none of your fucking business."

Kagome scoffed and tugged on Hiruma's uniform to draw his attention. Musashi left the two to their own devices and joined the first years in their workout. He paused and looked back halfway across the field to see Hiruma leaning down to give Kagome a kiss, her arms wrapped around his neck, keeping him stationary.

Musashi smiled and rubbed the back of his head humorously.

Those two were the unlikeliest pair.

•

•

•

"_**Hold on to each other above everything else."**_

The photograph in her hands shook as sobs wracked her body. Tears rolled down Kagome's face as she stared at the picture of her family back at the shrine. Their smiling faces pulled at her heart painfully and Kagome quickly muffled a loud sob with the back of her hand. She pulled the picture close to her heart and curled up on her bed. She couldn't help it but she was homesick.

She had stayed in this city for half a year and hadn't found any time to visit home, the pain of that finally hitting her now. Kagome sniffled miserably and pulled her knees up to her head, crossing her legs at the ankles.

"I miss you guys…" she whispered. The creak of the floor outside her door caught her attention though, and she lifted her head to stare at the door warily. She was staying at Hiruma's this night, and there wasn't anyone who dared to sneak into _his_ apartment this late. Thus, there was only person that it could be standing outside her door. "Hiruma?" The door swung open and his silhouette slid into the room.

Hiruma's socked feet padded over to her bed and Kagome stared curiously. "What are you…?" she trailed off as he plucked the photograph out of her hands and placed it on the nightstand beside her bed. He lifted the covers up and slid under them, cuddling up against her. "Hiruma what are doing? You shouldn't even be awake! You have an early game tomorrow!"

"Tch, how can I fall asleep when you're so fucking loud with your crying?" Kagome blinked when his arms came around her shoulders and pulled her against his chest. "If you care so much then stop your fucking crying and let me sleep," he murmured against the crown of her head.

Kagome smiled secretly against the black cotton of his t-shirt. "Okay, I'm sorry."

"Yeah yeah, now go to sleep." He let out a sigh that rustled her hair and promptly closed his eyes. Kagome snuggled up in his arms and let herself relax. She laid her cheek against his chest and closed her eyes, letting herself drift off into sleep with a contented smile.

"I love you Hiruma," she whispered and he grunted in reply.

"I know fucking wife."

•••

_D'awwww ain't that cute? Okay i'll go work on more crap now.  
Peace out._


End file.
